Press Release: Sunbeam Voyages Opens a Second Window
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Sunbeam Voyages, the leading provider of structured sunlight, is delighted to announce the opening of a second window at our head office.
Chief Navigator Marmalade Solstice said, “For nine years we have operated from a single window. We have outgrown it. We have outgrown the light. We have outgrown the cat that sits in the middle of it, who was Captain Dapple, and who has declined to move.”
The new window
The new window faces west. This means it receives the afternoon light, which is deeper and more orange than the light from the east. It will be used exclusively for our Premium Travellers, who pay a small supplement and are given a cushion.
Facilities
The new site includes:
- A shelf with a view of the street, ideal for watching other cats walk past without agreeing to meet them.
- A ledge for sitting on, which is also a ledge for falling off.
- A curtain, for hiding behind, and for being told off about.
- A warm patch, which moves, and which is monitored by a dedicated member of staff.
Jobs created
We will be recruiting up to four new Window Attendants. Duties include sitting, looking, and informing the Chief Navigator when the light changes. Applicants must be able to remain motionless for six hours and must not be afraid of pigeons.
Reaction
The announcement has been met with a mixed response. A local newspaper, written by a goldfish, called it “a bold step”. A rival firm, a company operating a single lamp, called it “unnecessary”. Captain Dapple, who was asleep, called it nothing.
Investment
The project was funded entirely from our savings, which are held in a tin, in the cupboard, under a sock. We are confident that the investment will pay off within six to eight summers.
“We believe in light. We believe in windows. We believe, above all, in sitting.” Marmalade Solstice
About Sunbeam Voyages
Sunbeam Voyages has been following the light since a cat first lay on a warm stone. We are a family run business, and the family is asleep.
