Passenger Rights and Responsibilities: A Policy Nobody Asked For

Sunbeam Voyages believes in transparency. We have therefore prepared this statement of passenger rights and responsibilities. It has been reviewed by our legal department, a cat called Counsel, who read the first line and went to sleep.

Your rights

As a passenger, you have the right to:

• A warm place to lie down, subject to availability.
• A view of the window, at an angle of your choosing.
• A reasonable amount of silence, defined as the amount you prefer.
• An apology if the sun moves without notice, although we will not give one.

Your responsibilities

As a passenger, you agree to:

• Remain seated or lying throughout the voyage.
• Avoid unnecessary conversation, or any conversation.
• Share the warm patch with other travellers if they are bigger than you.
• Accept that the best spot is taken, and always has been.

Delays and cancellations

Voyages may be delayed by cloud, rain, fog, or the arrival of a human with a vacuum cleaner. In the event of a delay, we will update you promptly, by looking out of the window and sighing. No compensation is offered, except in the form of another patch of sun, which will arrive in due course.

Lost property

Lost property is held at the head office for thirty days. This includes toy mice, hair ties, and the occasional sock. Items not collected are claimed by Captain Dapple, who has a considerable collection and has asked us to stop calling it a hoard.

Complaints

If you are dissatisfied with your journey, please speak to a member of staff. A member of staff will look at you for several seconds, and then leave. This is our complaints procedure, and it has been in use for nine years without a single formal outcome.

Liability

We accept no liability for naps taken in the wrong spot, for sun that is too hot, or for shade that is too cold. We accept liability only for the moment itself, which is ours, and which we share.

Final statement

Thank you for travelling with Sunbeam Voyages. Please remember to take all personal belongings with you, including the warm patch, if it will fit in your bag.